gracehouse

GOD's willingness to teach is even greater than our desire to learn.

2012-02-19T13:26:00.000-08:00

Once again, as I seek HIS face, GOD chooses to surprise me. Back to blogging about the ways in which He "speaks"...

This morning, during the pre-service prayer time, five of us met with GOD, and asked HIM to continue to teach us how to tune into HIS "voice," so that we can keep learning to effectively minister HIS encouragement and love to each other, and to a hurting world outside the walls of our church.

Later, during the service, as I listened to my husband preach about the gift of apostleship, I was struck with the thought of how intimidatingly high the calling to, and the operating in this gift sounded. I wondered at how many people would find the idea of such a ministry personally applicable and relevant. Then, I an impression came to mind, (I thought it might be from the LORD, rather than a thought of my own) "If you allow me to root out your 'distractions' - I (GOD) will help you hear my calling on your life." I jotted this down on a the back of the bulletin, with a "?" and another little added prayer "Lord, give confirmation."

As the sermon ended, we (the congregation) waited, silently listening for a few minutes, to see what GOD wanted to do next; we've been working on developing this habit in our church - making ROOM for GOD to speak, move on people's hearts, give impressions, words, etc. to those HE would use to encourage and minister to others that morning. Simply and *Biblically defined, words of wisdom, words of knowledge, prophesy, tongues and interpretation of tongues have each come forth from lay members of our congregation over the past month. (*1Corinthians 12:7-11) Today, after our listening time, three different people spoke out various words of wisdom and encouragement they thought to be from GOD. My impression seemed "faint," and I wondered that it may have come from my own thoughts; I didn't share it.

The next step in our service is Rev Kev calling to the front a "prayer team," willing and able men and women who will minister to any who come forward to ask for prayer at the close of the service, usually during the final song (s). As I sang and waited at the front, facing the rest of the congregation, I prayed for them. The music ended and no-one had come.... a first in many weeks. I asked silently, "LORD, was I supposed to give my 'word' ? Did someone not come for ministry because of my silence? Do you want me to say it NOW - it's practically over at this point. " I pleaded with GOD "You know I'm 'dust' (in other words, "I'm only human -give me a break") "YOU, LORD, could be more clear - YOU could send somebody up here to tell me to give my word.." (I did, after all, write that prayer asking for confirmation)

No sooner had I prayed this (above) prayer, than a man from the congregation came down front, stood before me and said, "This is a bit weird, but - do you have a word for me? I kinda feel like you may have a word for me."

Ordinarily, this question would have unnerved me a bit, as I'm not highly gifted in prophetic words. However, in light of everything I just shared, I was able to confidently share that, yes, I believed I did have a piece of encouragement for him specifically. Picking up my scrap of paper I had carried down to the front with me, I read to him what I had written; he confirmed that it hit him as personally applicable, so Kevin and I got the opportunity to pray for him about it. GOD is good!!

I find the LORD to be continually patient, and more desiring than I, when it comes to answering my prayers for learning to tune into HIS "voice" and relate to HIM as a friend.

Militance

2012-01-30T08:21:00.000-08:00

"And GOD led his people by a pillar of cloud by day

and by a pillar of fire by night..."

Exodus 13:20

On the fifth Sunday of the month, our church celebrates a "Fire by Night" celebration, praising Jesus through singing, praying for one another and sharing the general goodness of GOD. This refreshing blessing of renewal and healing happens quarterly - and last night, Jan.29, we gathered again, anticipating GOD's presence. He showed up!

Halfway through the service, Kevin, led by the Holy Spirit, encouraged us to consider the word and idea of MILITANCE in our spirituality. A discussion ensued. Following, I've shared some thoughts on the subject; may they be helpful and encouraging.

The first two thirds of the Bible is so filled with accounts of warfare, bloodshed and conquest that it's difficult to reconcile such violence with Jesus Christ, the Prince of Peace. I'm thankful to live under the New Covenant, ONE sacrifice - Jesus'. His blood is all that is needed.

Old Tetament military analogy teaches valuable lessons for our present post-New Testament lives. However, it's pertinent to any discussion on militancy, to hear Paul say

"Our battle is not against flesh and blood (anymore,)

but rather, against principalities, powers, rulers, authorities -"

Ephesians 6: 12

Whether or not we recognize it, we struggle against demonic spiritual beings who present themselves in diabolical opposition against men and women. These spiritual enemies desire the downfall and destruction of human beings, much like the foreign nations who opposed God's chosen people of old. When I read about Moses leading Israel out of slavery in Egypt and Josuah taking possession of the "promised land," I envision a metaphor - GOD delivering me from my past life of godlessness and sin, and guiding me into a spacious freedom, a "new land." I see all the wicked idol - worshiping nations, who GOD drove out before HIS people, as an illustration of spiritual housekeeping, releasing me from my collection of enemies of a past life - SPIRITUAL enemies - pride, bitterness, hatred and the like, are exiled to the far reaches of the galaxy, so I can live in peace.

Don't mistake my understanding of Genesis to Malachi as simply metaphorical. Unlike my college Old Testament professor, with whom I passionately argued, I believe all the events of the Old Testament, even the miraculous and inexplicable stories, actually happened. So, I can stand on their historicity as well as learn from their principles. Many strategies, insights and courageous inspirations can be gleaned from the warfare theodicy of the Old Testament.

Understanding God's heart of Love extending to all nations, with our only mutual enemy being spiritual, invisible, but personal and often tangible, is pertinent to learning from warfare theodicy. To grow in, and live out, victoriously, spiritual warfare, we need to know that "Our struggle is not against flesh and blood." Though humans, under the influences of wicked spiritual beings, can orchestrate whole systems of malevolent intent. When this happens, the enemy seems larger, more human in origin. But he is neither.

What CAN we learn from Old Testament Militancy mentality??

1.) First of all, worship IS warfare. In 2 Chronicles, chapter 20, we see King Jehoshaphat appointing "men to sing to the LORD and to praise HIM for the splendor of His holiness," as they went out at the head of the army, the LORD set ambushes against the men of Ammon and Moab and Mount Seir, who were invading Judah, and they were defeated. GOD's children didn't even have to fight with sword, spear or bow. In Isaiah 30, we find the LORD's fury coming against prideful Assyria,

" The voice of the LORD will shatter ...,

with HIS scepter HE will strike them down.

Every stroke the LORD lays on them

with HIS punishing rod

will be to the music of tambourines and harps,

as HE fights them in battle with the blows of HIS arm."

The Psalms are full of worship as warfare examples. For instance, Ps. 149, which exhorts GOD's people to praise GOD with dancing, tambourine, harp and song, exclaims

"...may the high praises of GOD be in their mouths

and a double-edged sword in their hands

(possibly synonymous weapons),

to inflict vengeance ....and punishment....,

to bind their enemies with fetters, and with shackles of iron,

to carry out the sentence written against them. This," the psalmist reminds US,

"is the glory of ALL THE SAINTS."

I love this Psalm's reminder that the devil has a sentence WRITTEN AGAINST him already...

"Cursed are you (devil)..I (GOD) will put emnity

between you and the woman and her offspring.

He (mankind) will crush your head.."

Genesis 3:14

"..and the devil, who deceived them was thrown into

the lake of burning sulfur,....where he will be tormented

day and night for ever and ever"

Revelations 20:10

His fate is sealed; his time is short. When your enemy comes at you with shameful accuatsions, throw that in his face - and remember to worship.

Finally, Psalm 8, shows us that no-one is too young to join in the battle against GOD's enemy through worship,

"From the lips of children and infants

YOU have ordained praise

because of your enemies,

to silence the foe and the avenger."

2.) Secondly, "Possessing the Land" is a privilege and a command to be enjoyed and obeyed completely.

Taking our "promised land" can be likened to coming into our full salvation when we decide to love and follow Jesus - complete with mind renewal, inner healing from past hurts, freedom from emotional baggage which burdened us upon entry, physical wellness...and the list goes on and on. Old patterns of thinking and worldly perspectives need to be broken down, like the walls of Jericho so "new construction" may readily spring forth...

One can study the idea of militancy and vigilance from the Egyptian Exodus to the Babylonian captivity (the length of Israel's freedom) - but for the sake of time and space, one passage will suffice to speak some powerful analogy.

Exodus 23: beginning at verse 20 GOD tells HIS people that His Angel will go before them and drive out the many peoples who live in the land HE is giving to them. The Amorites, Hittites, Perizzites, Canaanites, Hivites, and Jebusites (I like to just refer to all these as the "ites") will all "turn their backs and run" as GOD's people worship HIM and follow what HE says. In addition to this housecleaning help, the LORD promises,

"Worship the LORD your GOD

and HIS blessing will be on you food and water.

I (God) will take away sickness from among you

and none will miscarry or be barren in your land.

I will give you a full life span."

Wow!

In verse 29, we are told,

"I will not drive them (the "ites") out in a single year,

because the land would become desolate

and the wild animals too numerous for you.

Little by little I will drive them out before you,

until you have increased enough

to take possession of the land."

How many times, in your walk with Jesus, have you wished that ALL your baggage, (insecurities, fears, doubts, chips on your shoulder, etc.) could just be wiped away at once - like maybe back when you first came to the LORD? And you could just quickly get on with living in freedom and serving and teaching/helping others - all those great purposes HE has for you - unencumbered by sin and it's many forms of residue.

Surly GOD is not slow in keeping HIS promises to us. Here, HE illustrates HIS "One-issue-at-a-time" plan for destruction and reconstruction, or deprogramming and reprogramming in our lives. After 20 years of living in this spiritually contaminated world, it's not uncommon to have collected legions of deceptive patterns of speech and actions, clouded perspective, deep wounds and debilitating scars - all packed quite safely in our heart. Add to this, destructive generational beliefs and sins, carried with us from conception, some unrecognized yet still wielding cutting power in our thinking. The crux of the cleansing problem often lies in the false protection and comfort we tend to feel from these less-than-ideal ideas. It isn't difficult to see why instant removal of all the old junk may not win us everlasting peace and freedom. As we continue to seek GOD and worship HIM, we will find HIM shining HIS light on one issue at a time, little by little removing our enemy enigmas.

One last insight from this Exodus passage can be found in verse 32, where Israel is warned (this warning is repeated numerous times)

"I will establish your borders.... I will hand over to you

the people who live in the land

and you will drive them out before you.

DO NOT make a covenant with them or with their gods.

DO NOT let them live in your land,

or they will cause you to sin against me,

because the worship of their gods will

certainly be a snare to you."

This is pretty tough, but clear. When Jesus shines HIS light on the next "issue" HE wants to deal with in our lives, we are exhorted to allow HIM to drive it out - without compromise. In the book of Joshua, great stories of conquest for Israel are recorded. What can also be seen is GOD's chosen people failing to seek HIM for guidance, making mistakes, making covenants with the "ites" and allowing them to live in their land. We get a glimpse, even vicariously experience, how GOD's mercy mingles with HIS judgement, as Israel continues to be snared, to fail and eventually to fall back into captivity.

Our chances for acquisition of the land and happily dwelling therein are MUCH BETTER than that of our ancient forefathers. Good news!!, because we live after Jesus's sacrifice and resurrection! However, these favorable odds don't diminish the importance of vigilance and militancy in our walk with Jesus.

The Collapsible Pill Cup

2011-07-25T03:39:00.000-07:00

In a world that runs crazily 24/7 with noise and activity - even during resting or sleeping hours my head is often full of whirling busy thoughts and plans. I'm ever so thankful for the time spent in our Church's worship service, where the singing and, even the quiet instrumental music, stops so we can be silent before GOD, just to LISTEN for HIS still small voice. I find this practice, in my own private life with JESUS, invaluable - I couldn't survive, steadily, without it.

Recently I've been reminded of this, after spending a week of active vacation with my family, followed by a week of sickness - trying to get better on the run, for I really didn't have time for infirmity. What I also failed to make time for during my two week buzz, was quiet solitude with JESUS. The deficit I felt near the end of this spinning but empty stint, gave way to depressive and anxious thoughts. I'll end this little reminder by just saying that prayer and worship with a friend, and returning to a scheduled time of seeking the LORD in silence turned me around again to steadfast thinking and living.

Back to SILENT LISTENING time in Church...

Yesterday, God put in my mind an image of one of those plastic collapsible pill cups that ladies keep in their purse, sometimes with their days of the week pill cases, so as to take meds conveniently in the middle of the day. Just screw the cap off, twist the cup to its 3 inch height, fill it at the nearest drinking fountain - and your good. When I saw this simple image, I knew the cup represented our "reception" of God's SPIRIT in us, but didn't feel a strongly compelled to share it with the congregation, when the ministry time turned a different direction, I sat on it, then forgot about it. But as I've often found, when GOD wants to teach something, HE"ll bring thoughts back again - with flesh on. This morning as I worshiped, meditated on scripture and listened for HIS VOICE, the plastic cup image returned; this time it seemed to be filled with interpretation and I knew it was for the whole body.

In our spirits, too, there is a receptive "vessel," if you will, into which we may receive living water of GOD's HOLY SPIRIT. This living water, flowing from our bellies and welling up....," (John 7:38) is always available , every moment of a believer's life. BUT, our 'vessels' leak. "We leak," John Wimber, leader of the Vineyard movement for many years, was often quoted as saying. Because of this, we are commanded, instead of being "drunk on wine," "...to be filled.." - continually filled is the connotation of this exhortation - "...with the HOLY SPIRIT." (Eph. 5) Apparently, this condition of being "filled" is a tangible intoxication which effects our thoughts words and actions - like an alcoholic stupor would effect us in a noticeable way.

Many believers, I felt GOD speaking to me, carry their collapsible cups, packed neatly away, only to take them out at church or at shaky times - when a spiritual 'pill' is needed. We sip politely of the SPIRIT, while the HOLY SPIRIT is meant to be POURED OUT in buckets and waterfalls, and bubble up in streams. We should trade in our little plastic cups for wide-mouthed vats carried up on our heads, like those of Indian women returning to the river to draw water. And the drawing must be daily, as a people who live in a dry and weary land, where precipitation is scarce, are compelled to do. If we recognize our need for this HOLY SPIRIT intoxication, may we hear JESUS say to us, as HE invited the woman at the well, "...whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.." (John 4:13b)

Throughout my busy day I like to turn my palms up and open, and ask, "LORD fill me," and WAIT. My husband wrote a song, with part of the chorus, "...we will drink, if YOU will serve.." Good news!.., JESUS is WILLING to serve us a drink, every time we drain our vat. So, lets discard our collapsible cups, Church, stand beneath the waterfall, and drink deep.

2011-06-29T04:02:00.000-07:00

Never Say "Never"

"Well..., by process of elimination,"Beth Ann's List of Gifts and Life Purposes" narrowed significantly by one, this week: I was NOT cut out for musical theater. I'm drawn to it, yes, and my three theatrical daughters perform beautifully and continue to grow in this area. But mom will remain in the wings and in the audience, cheering them on and painting their scenes and sets. " - me, middle of august

I wanted to post this to my blog, funny and ironic as it reads back to me now. I recorded these cynical sentiments immediately following my mortifying audition with Riverwalk Theatre.

Since this entry - I have enjoyed a memorable season of ANNIE, performing in the chorus and loving every terrifying minute. I've also participated in the shooting of a short movie - a docu-drama, in which I was pushed beyond my limits of comfort and self-consciousness. Never-the-less, this "non-musical theater" gal will appear, ACTING in a film.

You've heard the old excuse "my dog ate my homework." Well, ANNIE and movie-stardom ate my August and September; here it is the end of October, and I'm, hopefully, back to blogging about the multitude of ways GOD communicates with those HE loves.

Thanks for reading! - love, beth ann

learning to deam - dreaming to learn

2011-05-28T14:04:00.000-07:00

When teaching a class on HEARING GOD's VOICE, as I've been doing for 20 weeks now, one becomes ultra attentive to surroundings, thoughts, sensations, atmospheric pressure - O.K. I'm exaggerating a bit. But tuning into details is a good habit to adopt when trying to communicate with a being who doesn't limit HIMSELF to our five natural senses. Dreams are sometimes a good place to begin, because when asleep, minds seem generally less inundated with the business of the day, less analytical, and perhaps more available for spiritual input.

About 6 weeks ago, I awoke with an unsettled feeling, and a vivid picture of myself laying in front of a large machine of sorts, helpless and exposed to radiation. Later that morning I found that, due to the disastrous hurricane in Japan, nuclear reactors had left thousands of people unable to escape dangerous levels of chemical contamination in their own backyards. As I interceded for the Japanese people, with a friend, GOD filled me with HIS compassion. I considered the dream to be FROM HIM, and received the passionate empathy as a motivation to pray often for GOD's children across the globe.

However, all in the same week, a mole, which has decorated my right cheek from childhood, began to act up with pain and unusual growth. Not without a degree of foreboding, I saw a dermatologist, who "didn't like the look of it," and proceeded with removal. Of course, without biopsy or pathology reports, the doctor could not tell me what was going on; the waiting in these kind of situations seems interminable. I began to wonder if my DREAM about radiation exposure was a more personal "preparation." ??

I tried my best to wait and trust GOD for peace of mind, but often my flesh, with all it's anxious "what ifs?" got the best of me. One sleepless night I tossed and turned with worry. I asked myself, and GOD, questions like "what if I have cancer and don't get to see my children's children? or even their weddings? What if cancer metastasizes in my face, (like a good friend - who's funeral I attended last year) - and I have to die a painful ugly death in front of by dear family? I prayed for peace and for my kids and for many other people throughout the night, growing frustrated that sleep eluded me - as did GOD's peace. Near dawn I asked GOD to give me a vision to help me. This is the second time I had specifically asked for a vision, and I'm not sure WHY I did. But when I closed my eyes, sure enough - a vivid picture played before my mind's eye.

I saw a line of winged "soldiers" up on a cliff; they dove down in formation, like the flying monkeys from the wizard of Oz - intent on their mission. As the ANGELS (as they seemed to me) swooped down, behind that line was another 100 or so, and another behind them. Line after line of warriors flying to their battle. My first thought was "cancer" as I asked the LORD who or what are they attacking?? HIS answer came immediately to my thoughts, "They are coming after FEAR."

That was it - but the encounter left me with a profound sense of peace.. and I finally slept. Later that morning, while cleaning a part of my closet, I came upon the program from my friend's funeral - almost as if it were a test to my emotional and spiritual state. Song lyrics adorned the front: "Surely it is GOD who saves me, I will trust in him and not be afraid, for the LORD is my stronghold and my sure defense, and HE shall be my savior." I WASN'T afraid, not then and not for a moment again for the next 4 weeks, at which time I received wonderful news that mine was a benign mole with a ruptured cyst underneath it.

Throughout my weeks of waiting I received many prayers for healing and I felt some sensations, which leave me to believe, surely GOD was at work doing something in my cheek. Until my Face to Face w/ JESUS time, I won't know for sure all that happened, nor the exact purpose of my dream. However, this I know, without doubt's shadow, GOD is pleased when I seek recipricol friendship and communication with HIM. HE calls me to remain attentive, obedient and humble in my interactions with HIM, and in sharing my experiences with you all. If all of life isn't a fun experiment in learning to LOVE and relate to GOD and His other kids, maybe it's all just a dream.

Thanks for reading!

Swimming by the SPIRIT- ?

2011-03-21T18:12:00.000-07:00

We kept a junk room in the basement; This is an understatement. A small path,- through knee- high piles of art supplies, books, boxes of elementary, high school and college keepsakes, letters photos, baseball cards, children's artwork, and household cast off furniture,- allowed one brave bushwhacker to cautiously navigate her way to the washer and dryer in the room behind. This 10 x 15 foot warehouse had been collecting precious paraphernalia for the last 10 years, ever since we moved into the house. Sadly, it reminded me of my childhood bedroom, only with more mountainous piles and no bed. When my 13 year old suggested spending last Thursday night on the "family project" of cleaning out and organizing the junk room - an overwhelming flood of exhaustion descended upon me at the mere thought. "Tonight, Daddy and Elliott are watching MSU basketball finals, and that room needs more than an evening; it needs the WHOLE family giving a concerted effort for a couple of Saturdays," I discouraged. Her face set like flint, Kyria persistently pressed on, "we could at least get started; I'll do it myself." More back and forth bantering filled the kitchen, as I tried to dissuade her from taking on an insurmountable task, which would inevitably drag me into more work. Finally, I gave permission for Kyria to begin, while I proceeded to make dinner. She wasn't amid the mess 10 minutes, when she hollered up, "Dad, quick - there's a funny sound down here." By the time Kevin bushwhacked his way to the closet at the far side of the room, moved boxes and shut off the spraying water supply (this is where the water main enters our house,) a thin flood had filled the closet and was spilling into the room. Towels safely absorbed the mess before the puddle destroyed anything important, and visits to our neighbors' procured pitchers of water needed to finish dinner, while we waited for a Board of Water and Light worker to arrive (thankfully, the spraying pipe flowed from their side of the meter.) While we waited, we marveled that we had been home, not out for the evening, or in even Florida, which would certainly have allowed our entire basement to fill like a giant swimming pool. At the rate of our junk room "shower" pouring into the room, our trash and treasures would have sunk within a half hour, if nobody had caught the leak. It took handy dandy BPW man only 15 minutes to arrive, and another 10 to replace the pipey gadget - a gasket. After all was resolved and while BPW man was leaving, we asked him, "What happened??" "Oh, common problem," he told us nonchalantly, "these things corrode and rust out over the years. This one just gave out and broke." "No way.. you mean, it was just it's "time"... right now, to BUST and spray?" "Yup." Well, it may be a common occurrence for gaskets to corrode and break after x -many years, but what seems uncommonly providential is Kyria's sudden and unquenchable desire to clean the junk room at the exact minute the thing gave out, and began showering our basement. OR - maybe GOD's looking out for us, by prompting us to move in certain directions, or follow certain desires is not as rare as we may think. MAYBE, HE does this kind of thing often, and some times we sense HIS stirrings and sometimes we miss them. Maybe "walking by the SPIRIT," is no more mysterious than talking to GOD often, learning to recognizing the way HE speaks and following HIS gentle whispers - in our day to day lives. Most of the family was pulled into the Thursday night project, as it turned out, and Kyria diligently continued it on Friday. About a dozen bags of garbage were generated and in the end we reclaimed one cleaned out art and crafts room. The more significant gain of the weekend is a lesson in sensitivity to the "nudges" of GOD. In our case, we're very thankful Kyria was "walking by the spirit," instead of "swimming by the spirit."

a bowl full of water...

2011-03-16T12:26:00.000-07:00

In the book of Judges (6:36-40) - in the Bible, you find a story about Gideon, desiring to know GOD's will and sending up a prayer to the LORD. He asks GOD to make a sheep's fleece wet with dew when all the ground around remains dry. Then He asks GOD to make the ground wet with the dampness of the night, while keeping the fleece (left out of doors) dry. Since these requests wouldn't be a natural occurrence, Gideon would know that GOD had intervened in the way he had asked and consequently, be assured of GOD's direction. This kind of confirmational request has been coined "a fleece prayer," by believers down through the ages, after Gideon's experimental interaction. I, myself, can't remember ever really trying it until last week.

Two years ago I pursued a volunteer teen zoo keeper's position at Potter Park Zoo for my son Elliott and was advised to wait until he was older, as he would have a better chance of acceptance into the program. Last year, our plans to be away for much of the summer deterred me from encouraging it. But last Monday, GOD brought the zoo possibility, for this summer, to my mind. After looking up Potter Park's website and reading about the application process, I wondered if this was really the right direction for Elliott. In two years it hadn't come up and easily, he would have forgotten all about it. As the application for 2011 had not yet been posted, I decided not to say anything to anyone (except my husband) and I sent up a "fleece."

"GOD," I prayed, "YOU know I want YOUR direction for Elliott's future. If the Teen-Keeper's program is a door YOU have for him to walk through, let me know by bringing it to Elliott's mind, AND by HIM showing excitement for the opportunity."

For anyone who KNOWS my son, a rather "non-pulsed" young man, who doesn't exactly wear his emotions on his sleeve. you can be sure that this request fell outside the realm of a natural occurrence.

A week passed, as I daily, and secretly, checked the zoo's web-site to see if the application had been posted. Nope, not yet. By the following Monday, I had forgotten about my vigilant checking, until quite out of the blue, at breakfast, my daughter, Kyria, blurts out, "Hayley might work at the zoo this summer, can I work at the zoo?"

At his sister's announcement, Elliott immediately looked up and EXCITEDLY EXCLAIMED "Hey I want to work at the zoo! I was going to do that! Can I do that?!" He said this loudly and with "unnatural-for-Elliot" expression - so much so that I'm left without a shadow of a doubt that GOD, indeed, answered my "fleece."

When asked what made her think of the zoo, Kyria didn't know why, it just came to mind; Hayley had mentioned it the previous Monday night at their girls' Bible study (the same Day, a week earlier, on which I had put out my "fleece.")

Icing on the cake highlighted GOD's timing, as I moved directly to my computer and found that the Zoo, that very morning, had posted the 2011 Teen-Keeper's application. I downloaded it. Elliott diligently filled it out, concentrating carefully on the essay questions, and e-mailed his Algebra/Science tutor, requesting the required letter of recommendation. By Tuesday afternoon we submitted all the paperwork and now Elliott happily and hopefully awaits the outcome of what, to me, seems very clearly GOD's leading.

"Gideon rose early the next day; he squeezed the fleece and wrung out the dew - a bowlful of water." - while all the ground was dry.

Seeing GOD's Face

2011-02-23T03:15:00.000-08:00

For many years now, I've carried a growing longing in my heart to SEE GOD, face to face - sit across the table from HIM at a coffee shop and stare into HIS eyes and talk like friends. After all, my hero, Moses, talked to GOD "face to face as a man speaks to his friend." (Exodus 33:11) I suspect this is why Joshua constantly wanted to hang around Moses' tent. That's where I would be.

It was after about a week of really begging GOD for visual interaction, that HE succeeded in curbing my appetite for this specific request. While cooking at the stove and THINKING about GOD hiding Moses in the cleft of a rock, a flash of light unexpectedly struck my eyes, so bright that one eye saw spots for a couple of minutes after, and the other was temporarily blinded almost completely. In my anxiety about my impaired vision, I lost sight of what I'd been praying about and, even a moment before, had been thinking about. I frantically phoned my husband (who didn't know what to say or do) as my children wondered what could have happened to Mom. Kyria, sitting at the computer, only a few feet away, had seen nothing; together, we couldn't figure out the cause of the light.

To my great relief, within a relatively short time, effects of the "flash" faded and, back to my cooking and thinking (the THINKING part and GOD's TIMING is always crucial in understanding "GODspeak",) GOD brought to my mind an old hymn from my childhood. I could only recall a few words, but was able to look up the title in my trusty Methodist hymn book, a garage sale treasure. I read these stanzas (I'll share 1 & 4), with my 20/20 vision:

Immortal, Invisible GOD only wise;

In light inaccessible hid from our eyes.

Most blessed, most glorious, the Ancient of Days,

almighty, victorious, thy great name we praise.

Thou reignest in glory; Thou dwellest in light;

Thine angels adore thee, all veiling their sight;

all laud we would render; O help us to see

'tis only the splendor of light hideth thee.

GOD's message to me seemed clear, for that time: If I valued my physical eyesight, I would have to be satisfied with the veil HE provided. Even more than with HIS reply, I'm satisfied with HIS ANSWERING - HE didn't just leave my request (though plaintive and repetitive,) hanging out in space somewhere between heaven and earth. HE reponded to my "Why?" - and that, without leaving me blind.
"The LORD confides in those who fear HIM;....and I - in righteousness I will see your face; when I awake, I will be satisfied with seeing your likeness." (Ps. 17 & 25)

2011-02-21T04:23:00.000-08:00

Something Simple Speaks Volumes
I'm finding it very difficult, sometimes, to translate GOD's and my communication into an understandable "story" or explanation. John 4:24 tells us that "GOD is SPIRIT, and those who worship HIM must do so in SPIRIT and truth." GOD communicates with us NOT in the natural ways we are used to hearing people, or seeing their body language, but through feelings, thoughts, impressions and images somewhere deep inside of us - in our SPIRITs, I guess. Also, GOD speaks to us in our individual "SPIRIT" language, by which I mean, HE knows our emotional make-up, our unspoken dreams, hidden wounds, experiences from childhood and how WE interpreted them in our memory... and the zillion other parts of our thinking and being - uncommunicated and not understood completely by even ourselves. Because of our complexity, when HE speaks to an individual, the meaning is - LOADED, and not easily conveyed. I'll give a simple example from years ago.

When a woman I've never seen before shares, after the worship set on Sunday morning, that "GOD is very pleased with me," a bit of a prologue may reveal more depth. On the surface, the woman, probably in her 60's, prefaced the "message" with "I've never shared something like this before, but I believe the LORD wants me to tell you something." She happened to be sitting behind me and her kind words were completely unsolicited; she just kind of whispered to me as the music was dying down.

On a deeper note, experiencing much self-loathing growing up and always desiring my father, (the parent I saw as my greater ally in childhood), to be pleased with me, I had awoken that very Sunday morning singing a mournful song to God. The words and music, I composed, as I sang with tears in my eyes and a longing in my heart. It wasn't unusual for me to sing for quite a while on a Sunday morning, as my husband, a pastor, whose early church departure, left me with plenty of solitude before the service. Like my biblical hero, David, I enjoy singing my prayers, if I'm alone. The words to that morning's song went something like this: "O GOD, to hear you say 'well done,' - this is all I desire; to know YOU're pleased with me would be enough."
So, the woman's simple words to me that morning held more meaning than she could ever know; I told her this and thanked her. To this day, that short interchange holds me fast with the assurance that my heavenly FATHER IS indeed pleased with this undeserving child. Volumes of meaning in five simple words.

Flashback on a Wave of Goodness

2011-02-07T04:01:00.000-08:00

LORD GOD, I'll just write this to YOU. You are my BIGGEST follower, even as I follow YOU.

I'm sure YOU remember lounging with me by the poolside in Galveston, Texas while Kevin attended yet one more talk. My desire to be with You on my birthday afternoon brought me and your WORD out in the sun to reflect and meditate. My spirit soared freely, light with thankfulness for the blessed life You have been pleased to lead me into. I reflected on sorrow, tasting the bitterness once again but knowing that this too would pass on and leave me stronger, more resilient. You washed me once again, as You always do, and until I picked up the local paper and read the halting words of that arrogant columnist, I felt peaceful, content - even with my ever present LONGING for MORE - more of GOD, more of the wild ride of walking by YOUR SPIRIT.

The local columnist didn't mean to exclude his reader, I'm sure - for isn't the whole point of writing an article or book, etc.., to SHARE part of oneself, experience or imagination with another?? Never-the-less, EXCLUDED describes just how I felt as I read his article about surfing and gazing, in awestruck wonder, "through the tunnel" - the circular wall of water surrounding the surfer as a giant wave rolls toward the shore, the RIDER WITHIN. His tantalizing description of the sight and feeling, he prefaced with the separating comment "only a surfer will understand or appreciate .." At this disclaimer, my spirit fell - I am NOT, and for many reasons will NEVER be, a surfer. I supposed the columnist's audience consisted of only fellow adventurers of the BOARD, and wondered, pityingly, why I even bothered reading the rest.

To me, the being-left-out feeling not only included this "tunnel" experience, but encompassed much more of LIFE - for which I LONG. I proceeded to have a long talk with GOD about it; I poured out my heart to YOU, O GOD, do you remember? So much of YOU, the human heart, adventure and REVELATION I want to understand - I want to know, but how will I ever get there. I don't possess the giftedness, the time (I'm 40 + already and time is zooming by), the energy - I'll never make it. YOU, oh LORD, listened attentively and I sensed you had something - SOMETHING to say....

Kevin interrupted my thoughts to invite me into the computer room before dinner so I could see all my birthday wishes on facebook. Oh, loving Father GOD, you had the best birthday e-mail waiting for me and your timing speaks volumes of our intimate friendship! After reading a myriad of well wishes, I opened an e-mail from a dear man, father of my best friend, who had randomly sent out some photos he thought interesting - (not for my birthday.) Upon opening his attachment, three beautiful full color shots awaited me: all three views, from a surfer's perspective, gazing through "the tunnel" of magnificent ocean waves. Waves of warmth and love swept over me, as YOU spoke to me. "I have blessed you with an empathy and ability to see and understand the heart vicariously. You don't have to have gone through all experiences to grow through and speak into others joys and pain. MY BODY is a community of children who are meant to carry each others' burdens, share each others' successes, and experience each other's adventures."

God Has A Still Small Voice

2011-02-03T13:06:00.000-08:00

"Pretend your bottom is super glued to you chair," I urged the children, hoping to restrain them from wildly chasing bubbles all over the room. I wanted them to just watch the beautiful rainbow spheres float gently for a few moments and then disappear.

Bubbles provided my object lesson for the way GOD speaks sometimes in a quiet whisper, very real and beautiful but brief in their impression upon us - . Sometimes THE GOD of the UNIVERSE speaks just this softly, in our thoughts, giving a momentary picture, phrase or idea, which after it's gone, if not acted upon or shared, can be easily dismissed and evaporate from all memory.

In HIS delight at us learning about following HIS voice, THE LORD demonstrated my point amazingly, in the week previous to my teaching. January 31 - a fifth Sunday - Oh joy, is celebrated at our church by a special worship service appropriately named "Fire by Night," after the way GOD's people were led through the desert in the time of Moses. Several congregations gather together to sing, pray, listen and practice all the gifts of GOD's SPIRIT. It was during a silence, in this service, that my bubble impression came gently to my mind's eye. I pictured a boy (near the back of the room; I didn't know this teen from another church) being struck, with a fist, across the jaw, and falling to the ground. After laying there several moments, he stood, faced his attacker and just looked at him - with eyes of love. I thought, the, "teen wants justice, but the LORD is saying -"mercy."" And I thought of the whole "turn the other cheek/love your enemy theme." But really, all this came to me in a moment - and since it didn't feel an altogether very "positive" word of encouragement, nor a very STRONG impression, I dismissed it.

The night progressed supernaturally, with many people coming forward with messages from GOD and leadings for ministry; prayer, worship and encouragement filled our small sanctuary. at least 45 minutes passed before GOD gave me another chance. This time, even more subtle than the first time, the same picture of the kid getting punched and "mercy" flashed across my brain. But this time, I thankfully remembered the lesson I would be teaching; how could I not act. Walking to the back of the room I contemplated how I might try to deliver this, possible, "message from GOD" in an uplifting way??? As I spoke to the teen, and his father standing beside him, I just laid it out there, what I saw and thought. I concluded with a weak, "Well, I hope this doesn't happen to you."

"Actually," the kid answered, "It already happened to me; It just happened to me." I tried not to look too dumbfounded.

Christopher, (as his name turned out to be) proceeded to tell me how at a baseball thing this kid had become angry with him and punched him hard across the face. Christopher fell to the floor and lay there for a few seconds, to angry to rise. When he did stand up, he just looked at the boy. Chris told me "It took everything in my power NOT to punch him back, but I didn't; I just looked at him till he walked away."

Oh, GOD, you are good. "Now I know why the LORD showed me this picture, Christopher," I told him. "HE wants you to know, and be encouraged, that HE is so very proud of you and pleased with you at the way you handled this situation." "You showed HIS mercy, in not striking back, and GOD is just so pleased."

Christopher and his father thanked me and we all thanked GOD - and I enjoyed sharing a cool example of a "bubble impression" with my Sunday school children. I wonder how many "GOD thoughts" we dismiss throughout the day, thinking they are just random snippets from our imagination. What kind of adventures might we encounter regularly, if we were constantly on the alert and "listening" to the quiet whisper of GOD?

I'm committed to writing as often as I can in this blog, over the next 12 weeks, sharing stories of how I've heard the LORD speak to me, personally in my life. I have a myriad of amazing adventures already to draw from. However, my hope is that I will pick up so many new ones weekly, and even daily, that I shall, if I continued for the rest of my life, never run out.

the productivity parodox

2011-02-02T04:36:00.000-08:00

10 years ago GOD called me away; actually, HE'd been calling me for a lot longer than that, but at this time it was HIS loving rebuke which finally compelled me to action. As far back as junior high, my immobilizing "vice," used to combat stress, anger and other undesirable emotions, was sleep. On through college and into adult/family-hood, when life expectations overwhelmed me - I ran for a nap. I was fastidious about the hours of rem I received every night - waking in the morning to look at my clock and quickly calculating the hours. If my rest didn't add up to 8 hours of shut-eye, anger and self pity built, beginning an irritating day, the nagging thought "it wasn't enough" following me around like a drizzely rain cloud.

One morning, upon waking to my normal "inventory taking," out of the blue, God put in my mind a scripture passage which I had not looked at in a long time. Turning to 1 Chronicles 21:1, I read a story about Satan inciting King David to number his armies, which angered the LORD. God sternly spoke to my spirit, informing me that this was exactly what I was doing in my calculating hours of sleep. Ps. 33:16-18 reminds us.....

"No king (or busy homeschooling mom) is saved by the size of his army (or her hours rem);
no warrior escapes by his great strength.
A horse is vain hope for deliverance (and adequate sleep won't insure peace and joy)
despite all it's great strength it cannot save
But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear HIM, (true rest is from HIM)
On those whose hope is in HIS unfailing love.... "

I responded incrementally but completely, praying often another Ps., 32 -

"Oh LORD, remember David
and all the hardships he endured.
He swore an oath to the LORD
and made a vow to the Mighty One of Jacob;
"I will not enter my house
or go to my bed -
I will allow no sleep to my eyes.
no slumber to my eyelids,
till I find a place for the LORD
a dwelling for the Mighty One of Jacob."

...and asking GOD for a place in my life for HIM. He gave me from 5:00 to 7:00 a.m. for His resting place. For the last 9 years, I've thrived on far less sleep; but life has been much less "survival," than a rich feast of refreshing REST from the LORD. During these hours, I waste time with HIM - soaking in HIS revelation, perspective and peace. The strength and wisdom this time in HIS presence has continually fueled could not be rivaled by a lifetime of 8 hour nights of sound sleep. In times of busyness, stress and sorrow, this appointment with JESUS has been, to my spirit, a well of cool water in the driest of deserts. Some days, when I've gotten to bed late or my bed feels particularly warm and the temptation to go back to sleep pulls hard, I do think of my early hours as an APPOINTMENT with HIM - "What might I miss if I stay in bed?, I force myself to ask. Surely the loss would be mine.

I often go out to a 24 hour coffee shop, just down the street, where over the years, I've become part of the furniture from 5-7 in the morning. Many "regulars;" business men and women, homeless who sleep sitting up at the tables through the cold nights, fellow eccentric early risers like myself and MSU and LCC students who haven't yet made it to bed, have become my friends and warm acquaintances. Every once and a while when I'm planning to speak or teach, I have brought my son's laptop computer, and someone will inevitably comment on how "I'm becoming productive." I've just smiled and joked about their perspective on "productivity," arguing that simply spending time with Jesus, reading HIS word, listening to HIS voice, journaling what HE says, etc... is more productive than they may think. Interesting facial expressions always follow a remark like that, and sometimes rich conversations ensue.

I began reflecting on my 9+ years of wasting mornings with GOD on Monday, as I spent the afternoon with a missionary to Hong Kong, home on furlough. She inspired me immensely as she spoke of how she was spending her few months back in the states; she has a lot of "free time" right now, and has chosen to daily ask GOD how HE wants her to spend it. She prays and fasts and reads HIS word, and worships with guitar and singing - and she "soaks" in HIS presence, and just sits quietly with HIM for hours, listening and simply being. A self proclaimed "doer" by nature, this lovely girl, who exudes peace and contentment, shared with me a profound truth JESUS has revealed to her during this time home. HE assured her that her view of productivity and HIS are quite different. HE promised her that every moment they spend time together, HE IS DOING A WORK in her, whether or not she knows what that is or even feels it happening. When she is resting in HIS presence, THIS IS the most productive time in her walk with JESUS.

Her words resonate with my spirit, because I have felt the reservior of truth and life well up in me and produce streams of living water.

"If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink.
Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said,
streams of living water will flow form within him" - JESUS

God is very paradoxical, really. I mean, loving your enemies and loosing you life to gain it and using the weak things of the world to shame the strong are just a few of HIS "backward" ideas. So, it's not so surprising that GOD's idea of "productivity" is most people's idea of in-activity. I'm headed to Florida in couple of weeks and looking forward to some slow down time - in a new way than I have before. For the past couple of days I've had this song running through my head. I only can think of one line, unfortunately - but it's a good one:

"..just sitting on the dock of the bay, wasting time...."

Blessings ~

Information OVERFED ? exercise and don't grow fat.

2011-01-17T03:14:00.000-08:00

If I could only DO the things I know already - implement the plans GOD has given me, put into consistent practice the Word which has proved to be successful and true - why, I'd be the best Jesus follower I know..maybe even nearing "sinless perfectionism." (kidding) What I don't need is more teaching - but to act on the stuff I've alrealy learned. Well, make that, "the stuff I'm trying to learn," for I never really "get" something until I act on it, put it into practice and make the new exercise a habitual new way of choosing and living - Spiritual body building.

One might read the above, and get the idea that I have no need for "teaching and preaching" ministries or for the reading of more Jesus following kind of books. However, anyone who knows me, is aware of my LOVE for a riviting speaker, an inspiring conference, a page-turner novel or biblical exposition. These information inputs are not merely distractions from my "doing", but rather life giving reminders. Like my kids learning not to interrupt me on the telephone, I need to be told the TRUTH again and again. Recieving fresh inspiration, I will practice what's right for a while, and hopefully get it into my system as a habit; if not, I'll hear or read about it again and that will jar me back to it again.

This week, God's been reminding me to "lay down my heart" (that's the way the Elizabeth F. Lewis, author of our Chinese historical fiction puts it) and without anxiety, but rather - THANKSgiving, present my requests to GOD and receive peace! Worrying about the future and the past runs rampant as my default MO, and I think many other people's as well. Thanks to my husband's inspirational message on Sunday, I'm jarred once again to "Practice the Presence" of GOD and pray without ceasing.

Two books recently engraved into my imagination's library and are becoming part of my muscle memory - (for this is what happens with all we allow to enter our minds, and make the effort to put it into practice) are Present Perfect by Gregory Boyd, and Chasing The Dragon by Jackie Pullinger. The first was inspired by 17th century monks such as Brother Andrew, but written in user-friendly style, as a "how to" on developing the habit of living every moment in the present, WITH JESUS. The latter is an autobiography by a missionary to Hong Kong's evil infested walled city. The author flew in on a one way ticket when she was 20 years old, and now, in her 60s, still ministers to Hong Kong's opium and heroine addicts, drug lords, protitutes, pimps and some of China's hardest criminals. Her book isn't the best written but does clearly reveal her secret weapon in the LORD's artillery - prayer without ceasing. How she accomplishes this "ceasless" prayer in the midst of a life so FULL of busyness as she lives, would capture the attention of any busy housewife and mother like me - or any workaholic of the west, period! She prays in tongues. All throughout her waking hours, except when she is eating or talking to people, she prays in the special language which Paul writes about in 1 Corinthians 14.

All these reminders: praying about everything instead of worrying; living in the moment instead of in the future and the past AND remebering that GOD is here too; and prayer with-out ceasing (even in tongues), swim around in my mind and encourage me eat up the info but turn it into fit, not fat.

What God's Teaching me...

2010-09-15T07:14:00.000-07:00

A history lesson....?

What are you teaching me, God? Hmmmmm, I know. ....I learn alone, I share with no one..So, I journal and ask HIM to help me to process and apply the wisdom HE imparts, so it may become a part of me. (A better way of learning is to teach someone else, or at least reflect with a friend - I am working on that, or at least thinkin' about it.)

A friend, Brad, (not his real name), came to talk to me at the coffee shop about his recent jail time and his realization that he has "no one to call" - no family nor deep relationships of this level; he's a bit of a hermit, reading his books, writing in his journal. Seeing a few handfulls of aquantences and "friends" regularly doesn't really constitute "family." He's realizing that he is alone and yes, sometimes, lonely.

I tell him that we are created,..GOD made all of us for human bonds and fellowship. We need this we were not meant to be islands. In my head, simutaneously, I hear a song from my childhood - repeating, confirming Brad's tale is not for him alone:

I am a rock

I am an Island

and a rock never gets hurt

and an Island never cries...

I tell my homeless friend, (yes, Brad lives on the street and in the woods and on a couple random couches of buddies sometimes, and he rides a bicycle - which has recently been impounded,) ...I tell him that though I understand some hard knocks have come his way, he (Brad) is the one who has pulled away. This isolation he has chosen is some kind of self defense strategy to keep him form hurt. He takes this in but I think he already knows. I already know this about myself, but ...does it change my daily descisions? Am I acting on this realization (which, by the way, has been GOD's personal message to me for a year and a half)??

Yes, in answer... somewhat.

In "homeschool" we've been studying Japan's 250 year isolation from the rest of the world. The emporer and the shogun decided and decreed that it would be best for the people to allow no outside (western) influence to pollute their sacred society. But then in 1820, when U.S. president came asking for trade priveledges and friendship with this beautiful Island, civil war threatened as two contradicting factions within the country struggled for control. Die hard isolationists, joined by the Emporer, sought to preserve Japanese culture and autonomy while the shogun and his followers desired to open up to the wise and scientifically advanced west.

I feel like there exists within my island, both a protective emporer (the old man who remembers the past and focuses too much upon it), and a progressive shogun (in the analogy, the Holy Spirit, who prompts me to trust people, initiate friendship with the flaky human race who, by the way, is bound to hurt me over and over again.) But this is the way of growth....no?

Anyway, this is what I enjoy about history. It's filled with good guys and bad guys (though they are difficult to distinguish from one another at times and two different sides of a story almost always reaveal identification and empathy with BOTH sides.) Hind sight is 20/20. And, one can usually find, in the clashes of cultures, her own selfish person, acting in the way she feels she needs to, for her own survival and preservaton, or those of the subjects of her little kingdom (her children.)

2010-08-31T04:22:00.000-07:00

Grand Canyon

Up to this time on our "Sabbatical," we have been hiking an average of 6 miles every day for almost two weeks, building our strength and endurance up for our big goal-the Grand Canyon hike, which we knew would be the longest and most difficult. This challenge captured all four kid's minds and imaginations so that even when they were foot sore and weary, they would be encouraged by a reminder that we were "getting our hiking legs in shape" for the North Rim.

The atmosphere buzzed with excitement Wed. morning as we packed up just the tent and what little we would need for our rustic campsite in Grand Canyon National Park, leaving our pop-up at Zion for 2 days. On our 2 hour drive to the north rim, we took in both Cedar Breaks National Monument (a nice lunch break) and Pipe Springs National Monument (a natural spring in the middle of the desert, first used by the Piout Native Americans, then taken over in the early 1800s by Mormon settlers - the place has an interesting history and still bubbles out hundreds of gallons of water per minute.) Our kids finished the "ranger programs" for both these smaller parks in a relatively short time, winning a golden badge for their National Parks collections.

We passed the Navajo Headquarters and judicial/administration buildings, and my knowledgeable husband informed me that all the reservations which surround us, exist and act like Nations within our Nation (United States,) each of them making decisions and administering judgement and punishment for crime, etc.. independent of State or U.S. federal government. This, I find fascinating; I didn't know. I have, in the past, been, justifiably, accused of "living under a rock."

We landed at the North Rim and set up "camp" quickly (one small tent) in the late afternoon. The kids first sight of the Great Chasm in Arizona earth (right behind the tent - we camped on the EDGE) did make their mouths hang open. We then took a hike to the incredible lodge - comfortable like your living room, with a "bay window" stretching across the front the size of half a football field, for viewing of the canyon, and two wide outdoor giant stone porches, filled with Adirondack rockers, couches and tables. This a perfect place to relax and journal, and we certainly took advantage of all the space during our two days.

To prepare for our rigorous hike the next morning, we dined in the elegant dining room; colossal elk antler chandeliers hung above us and we pigged out on pasta and fries (for Sophia, the french fry queen.) We hiked out to the point, after dinner, and caught a stunningly colorful, and windy, sunset. We are constantly reminded of how small and connected the world is as we snapped photos for a family from Holland Michigan (where we lived for 17 years).

We hit the trail at 7:15, stocked with gallons of water, a plethora of snack bars, lunch, 6 walking sticks (Kevin purchased one of those smoothly polished ones and the rest of us had been collecting sticks with just the right "character." Dad helped by sawing off unwanted ends and knobs. We plan on having a family night, when we get home, to sand and spray, with shellac, our homemade trail canes), sunhats and high spirits. Elliott had the brilliant idea, at the beginning of the hike, to COUNT switchbacks on our way down into the canyon, so we could count them backwards, as we ascended. This proved to be encouraging to fellow hikers we encountered, who had begun their climb from the base camp at the river at 3:30 or 4:30a.m., and were now almost to the rim. To be able to say, "only 8 switchbacks to go" or you're getting close, only 12 switchbacks to the top" brought thankful relief and big smiles to friendly tired faces and joy to our kids, at the knowledge they'd offered encouragement. When we got down to about 20 switchbacks, we stopped announcing - as it didn't seem to have the same effect.

Elliott is an excellent "record keeper," and has enjoyed keeping close accounts of the mammals, reptiles, birds and amphibians we have sighted, out of state (or country) license plates spotted,(lists carefully change as WE enter a new state), and the price of gas each time we stopped - how many gallons were purchased and the date the purchase was made. These lists are all dutifully scripted in his computer-like handwriting. The "switchback counting proved to be a great motivational success for our family on the way back up (and several other families, who hadn't descended as far) until we got to NEGATIVE ONE - and negative two (two very long switchbacks.) We must have, in our exhaustion at the end of the day, lost count a bit - oops! But I'm getting somewhat ahead of myself.

I wanted to mention our encounter with the "Ranger," (that highly experienced specimen, respected for his skill and knowledge of trails, wildlife and general survival) at the bridge, on the way down. At 9:30 in the morning; we'd already enjoyed snacks at a beautiful spring, passed through a tunnel in the rock and were making great time. Many fellow travelers had turned back after the tunnel, but seeing the bridge down the canyon gave us a visual goal, which the kids nearly raced to, as we watched it grow bigger for about an hour. Upon seeing our children, Indiana Jones Ranger looked at his watch, squinted at the sun, and then asked the kids, "How far you going today?"

The childrens' exuberant response, "to the Roaring Falls," was met with a long thoughtful pause from Indi' Ranger. I watched his face as he took silent inventory of their ages and apparent physical fitness. He finally interviewed them about amounts of water they were carrying and proceeded to give us a severe safety speech, advising us to hang out at the roaring falls, once we arrived, throughout the afternoon, till about 3 or 4:00, before we began our climb, so we could just make it before nightfall. Even hiking in the dark would be better than attempting it in the heat of the day. He told us that "the bridge" is the "point of no return." To continue, we would be committed to a difficult trek. I know he was trying to scare us, and I remained somewhat entertained watching Kyria, whose face only became all the more 'set like flint' to the original goal. But part of me was thinking "am I a crazy person?".."Will Kevin and I be climbing out of the canyon at 11pm, each carrying a sleeping kid on our back?" It seemed that was the vision Indi' Ranger was seeing in his mind's eye.

Thanks Indiana,....we continued. We reached the Roaring Falls; they were lovely. We made it out of the ominous Grand Canyon by 3:30p.m.....that same afternoon. We were sweaty, exhausted and singing songs with as much breath as we could muster, just to keep up morale, and Elliott looked like an 80 year old man, all hunched over his walking stick.... but, we felt ACCOMPLISHED! We hung out for the rest of the day in the grand lodge on the cushy couches, journaling about our great perseverance.

2010-08-18T17:58:00.000-07:00

Three Breathtaking Hikes

A plaque adorns the stone wall along the Virgin River which backs up to our campsite here at Zion; it's been placed in memory of Joe Bomers and reads:

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,
But by the moments that take our breath away."

By this vacation, I feel my "life" grow and lengthen and stretch as I take in GOD's wonder through creation on a daily basis. Observing beauty and appreciating it, drinking deeply of it -has got to be one of life's most refreshing filler-uppers!

After surviving our harrowing drive and our Emery gas station rescue, we woke up at Ruby's Campground just down the road from Bryce Canyon National Park.

From "Sunrise Point" to "Sunset Point," via "Queen's Garden" to the "Navajo Loop" is toted as "the best hike in the world." I agree with this commentary; Bryce Canyon is unique beyond words. It's known for its bright orange sandstone "Hoodoos" - which fill about a mile's worth of canyon, like a forest of trees. Picture 2 and 3 story sized monoliths looking to have been created by Dr. Seuss, in various shapes, resembling, and named things, like "Queen Victoria on Her Throne" and "E.T." (the alien from the movie.) So, the hike down into a canyon of these above described Hoodoos (exotically named by early settlers fascinated, at the time, with discoveries in the Pacific Islands,) feels like a surreal stroll through a real life cartoon. They are truly awesome and beautiful. Mr. Bryce, who discovered the canyon and lived there as a "farmer" in the 1800s is quoted with the comical exclamation: "It's a H--- of a place to loose a cow!"

Having attempted this above described hike in the morning, and driven back to the camp by pouring rain, we took advantage of Ruby's amenities - an indoor pool at the lodge, with couches surrounding it, and free WiFi for non-swimming "watchers".

The kids played all morning with 4 children from Switzerland on holiday, while I chatted with their parents. It's fascinating for us to continually meet people from all over the world.

We found the Hoodoo hike even better later in the day as it cleared up and the sun set, adding more golden colors to the already dazzling sandstone "forest."

From Bryce, it was a relatively short but scenic drive to Zion. We are actually camping at a private campground with electricity, showers (yea!), a nice swimming pool and a friendly camp host named Jerry, who drives around in a golf cart souped up to look like a Cadillac. The girls have already hitched several rides in the rumble seat in back, to and from the camp store and bathrooms. Our site backs up to the Virgin River and we hear the rush of rapids all the time, very soothing. We don't have cell phone coverage out here but can use the Internet and have been able to skipe a few folks back home.

We will stay in Zion a week, taking an overnight trip down to Grand Canyon's North Rim with just our tent (girls will sleep in the car.)

But Zion is just down the road - so I'll tell you about the breathtaking hikes we've accomplished and enjoyed so far...

Monday our main hike took us about 5 miles on the Kayenta Trail, a loop taking us to three waterfalls and middle, upper and lower "Emerald Pools," where the water lays in shallow refreshing wading pools on the rock, a perfect spot for picnic. For a gal who has always loved to take her children on picnics out in nature, this trip fills me day after day, as Kevin portages our lunch of p,b&j, fruit and a myriad of other snacks, in his backpack. We dine, surrounded by vistas that could rival the best five star restaurants on earth - every day. These picnics are always an anticipated reward for our climb and Kevin's decline is always much lighter. We often share our food, or just our rock, with another thankful hiker; at the pools, we ate with a couple from Japan, drawn to the western U.S. by the husband's fascination with Native American spirituality. Part of the whole "experiencing GOD's exquisite creation" remains, for me, listening to and trying to understand, the unique souls and searchings of HIS pinnacle of creation - human beings.

On Tuesday we decided to tackle a hike we had heard warnings about all over park, on posters, on the recorded bus tour through the park, from the Rangers: "a strenuous climb which should NOT be attempted by anyone with heart problems, weak ankles, balance issues or the fear of heights...etc..." Listening to and reading this advice all of Monday, of course, only solidified in Kevin's (and the kid's) minds, that we had to hike to the precipice of "Angel's Landing," gaining an elevation of 1,488 feet in 2.5 miles - steep! 22 switchbacks in a stretch called "walter's wiggles" lead to a death defying peak climb, made possible only by metal chains installed in the rock, for clutching and pulling yourself up along narrow ledges and 3 foot wide outcroppings, with 1000(+) foot drop offs on either side. Before "Angel's Landing," I had not thought of myself as one who has a fear of heights; I now would. the first two thirds of the hike was gorgeous and tiring, though not treacherous. We loved all the hummingbirds flying in close to sip at the bright red Indian Paintbrush (a beautiful mountain flower), and the blue tailed lizards sunning on the rocks as we passed. At "Scout's Landing" many people eat lunch, enjoy the view (at 5,785 feet, overlooking most of the park) and go no further, (sometimes sending their braver family members to climb the peak while they enjoy a couple hours of rest and RELIEF. At this point of the hike - more signs and warnings, about continuing, shine like beacons of safety, wisdom and better judgement - but NO.. the Shoemaker feast would be eaten on the summit. I was outnumbered 5 to 1.

As we began the dizzying climb, we met Rob, and Indian American from Rhode Island, and his 11 year old son, Robbie, (Rob's wife and 9 year old son had opted not to take this particular hike.) After 10 minutes of climbing mom (me) nearly frozen with fear, broke out in a cold sweat and asked if our family could just stop and ask GOD for peace, and safety. Rob and Robbie joined us in prayer (though I didn't get the feeling they were necessarily Christians,) after which Rob confessed to us he was scared of heights but wanted to take on the climb for his son, fearless and determined. We stopped one other time to pray, and our new friends stuck with us to the top and all the way back down the mountain. We shared our lunches and great conversations and fellowship on top, right up next to the sun and heaven. The view WAS breathtaking, in more ways than one. I was really glad I'd done it, but not until the next day. Rob (the dad) thanked both Kevin and me for "letting them join us" and told us he didn't know if he would have made it without us. I kinda feel the same way - Love (for people) is stronger than fear.

Stormy Drive to Bryce Canyon

2010-08-10T20:58:00.000-07:00

...A black cloud overhead, blanketing the sun and the sky for miles..... that's where I think I left off. Lightning strikes lit up in zig-zagging streaks surrounding us like electric ghosts of Native American Chiefs, warning:

"You dare to pass this way??!"

I fought back an eerie anxiety with prayers for peace and faith. Trust.... God, surely you wouldn't draw us out here for destruction. And at the same time the landscape was huge and forbodingly fearsome, it was beautiful - majestic, towering plateaus and mountains in the distance stood in deep purple ominous layers.... All this desert storm drama in the "middle-of-no-where - Utah" .... had I mentioned 300 miles without seeing any signs of civilization?? -

We were running dangerously low on gas. When we had left Arches Canyon National Park, our tank had shown an abundant almost 3/4 full -... and now it read "E," with not a substantial town on the map for 35 or 40 miles. "Oh GOD," we prayed, don't let us run out here, in this stormy barren place, where even on a clear day, no one might find us in our plight for days, maybe weeks (probably a slight exaggeration.) I could picture rickety old skeletons, gleaming in the desert sun beside dried planks of bleached wood and a strap of tattered canvas flapping in the wind, remnants of a covered wagon, whose trail ended in this very spot.

I found a dot on the map, looking to be 15 miles or so off the highway, but it had a name, Emery, and the map key showed it could have a population anywhere from zero to 2,500, ( we'd be lucky if it was 20) We thought possibly a rancher may have a pump for his tractors. So, we ventured off onto this smaller, more remote road, still surrounded by blackening storm clouds, pelting rain and flashes of lightning.

We chugged into Emery, Utah on fumes, to find 10 or 12 dwellings, and low and behold, a 2 pump gas station/store the size of my bedroom. Praise the LORD! This po-dunk establishment, which sold cheese sticks, potato chips and peach yogurt became also our diner - as the "village" hadn't one of these. We needed to get out of the heavy rain for a moment anyway, so we ate right in the little store with the teenage girl working at the register. Besides selling cigarettes and some booze, our gas station did carry a few T-shirts silk screened with a map of Utah and a thumbtack on Emery; It read "I ran out of gas in Emery, Utah." That kind of said it all.

Been there, done that - didn't buy the T-shirt.

We holed up for probably 25 minutes to wait out the storm, and as we stepped outside we were blessed with GOD's beautiful promise of protection and care - the clearest double rainbow stretching from east to west - as clear as if painted with "artist quality" watercolors. We stood and stared at it for a while -praising God. The storm was gone, and as we turned and drove out, we saw there was another rainbow to the south, thats three in all; vibrant color surrounded us now for about 7 minutes as we made our way back to the highway, and on to Bryce Canyon. Kevin and I set up in the dark, flopped all the kids into bed around 11 pm, thankful and tired.

2010-08-07T13:42:00.000-07:00

Wow - I've been meaning to journal for a hour... and on many other days as well, but just cannot peel my eyes away form the landscape - which continues to change. They change from flat, monotonous Kansas, (which we learned possesses very few gas stations with hundreds of miles of open road between), to Colorado's majestic Rockies looming up over the horizon and drawing us up, up, up steep grades, gaining thousands of feet in elevation, in the span of 20 minutes, through awesome, dramatic gorges carved out by the Colorado River some ancient "post flood" era. We have not yet reached the Grand Canyon, but have been preparing our minds to wrap around such a monstrous marvel.

We hiked in the Rocky Mtn. National Park near the head water lakes, which begin the Colorado and many rivers, pouring down with Niagara force from either side of the Continental Divide. Hikes took our breath away as we passed through gentle aspen groves and fragrant pine forests and rushing waterfalls. Then we climbed higher to explore sub -alpine and alpine (above the tree line), teaming with picas (The little beggars, trying only to stuff themselves with enough food to survive the harsh long winters, scramlbed right up the children's hands, looking for a free lunch.) and a variety of tenacious alpine flowers, like the Snow Buttercup, which will grow beneath 3 feet of frozen blanket in early spring, and then push it's optimistic bright yellow face right up through the snow. Atta go girl; gotta love the sun!

We observed two bull moose, tearing away at swampy shrubs, their HUGE antlers awing us from the great view atop a local's truck.

"climb up, get a better look," invited the back country granola type as he extended a friendly hand to all the kids and me.

People are beautiful, and appreciation God's creation with those on the trail, from all over the globe, brings a kind of unity and fellowship that warms my heart again and again. Elliott enjoys wearing his Detroit Tiger's caps and t-shirts because they give him something to chat and smile about with other guys on the trail who sport their rival team's logo. Sophia makes friends everywhere we go, breaking the ice for the other girls. It's not unusual to see her hiking along holding hands with some new little girl with whom she's just become acquainted. She's already written and sent postcards to people she's met on THIS vacation. Kyria, Annika and I have fun sketching and "painting" (with oil pastels) each other and landscapes we take in along the way.

We were also welcomed, upon arriving in Rocky Mountain National Park, by a herd of grazing Elk - stretched out across beaver meadows, some of them as close as 6 feet. Does, nursing calves, two big bucks with towering racks crowning their lovely faces (Ken and Deej - a hunter's dream). Later in the week some of the herd crossed right through the campground, ambling among the tents and campers like they own the place. Actually, they do! Whenever you spot wildlife, small crowds begin to gather and informative Rangers immediately appear on hand to promote safety and to educate all of us. This is a fantastic feature of the National Parks. It's great for the kids, as these kind professionals possess patient child friendly attitudes and exuberance for teaching about the natural world.

Our frantic run, to beat the oncoming rain, as we transferred all our food supplies, dishes, shampoos and other human smelling items (per strict advice of the ranger) from our sleeping quarters, our beloved pop-up camper, to the more secure hard sided vehicle - grandpa's van, were rewarded, as we were NOT attacked by hungry bears as we slept. Apparently black bears have frequented the park this summer, eating junk that humans have failed to safely lock away. We would, however, love to appreciate these cuddly monsters from a respectful distance....maybe when we get to Yellowstone.

Following Rocky Mtn. National Park, Rim Ridge Road at Colorado National Monument was another fabulous prelude to the Grand Canyon, as you can drive up and around and through the entire rim of several canyons also carved by the Colorado River. The drive narrows out at precarious points into hairpin curves and zigzag switchbacks, with stopping points all along the way, where you can hike back into see caves and monoliths. We observed the bright teal blue and yellow Collared Lizard as he sunned on the sand, and the kids crawled through erosion formed tunnels in the red rock and climbed to dizzying heights at "Devil's Kitchen," an enormous rock formation which we renamed "Eagle Rock" with Isaiah 40 as it's theme verse. Dad shouted our new name announcement from the canyon and echos bounced boldly back at us.

Meandering along - sort of "loosely" chronologically....

On our last evening in Colorado Nat. Monument, after asking GOD to help us spot the Big Horn Sheep, whose weighty horns and skull we had held to our own heads, (at a ranger program) marvelling at how this animal carries such a burden around on its brain, we took a sunset drive on rim ridge road in hopes of spying this elusive goat. The sunset was no "big shake" that evening, but emerging from a tunnel on the way back down, having lost almost all light - and there she was...a big horn Ewe, crossing the road right in front of us. Thanks God!

Leaving Colorado Nat., at a record time setting camp-tear-down -and-pack-up of 8:20 a.m., we drove to Arches National Park and took a couple blazing HOT trail hikes to natural stone arches, on the length of a football field (Landscape Arch.) It took much endurance in the heat of the day but we make it and were thankful for the shade of the twisted Juniper tree, an a picnic lunch. The juniper is a small shrubby pine well adapted to desert life it has a wide root system to sponge up any available water and purposely kill off sections of root and trunk to preserve itself during drought, causing the tree to twist and turn into all sorts of interesting shapes. Sophia gained the nickname "huckleberry Soph" at this picnic spot, for her perfect reclining perch on a Juniper's horizontal trunk and her straw hat shading her face.

Relaxing against the cool rock wall, I had to laugh right out loud watching Kevin as he helped Sophia fill out her "junior ranger booklet" with information they have gathered from their morning of hiking. I always tell people "Sophi! - that child could find mud in a desert!" And sure enough, a small stream from the pump, at which hiker's fill their water bottles, had pooled near Sophia's Juniper hammock and she wasted no time in "damming it up", to mix the water with the red dirt into a fine sculpting mud. Dad was allowing her to build the arches she had seen that day.

After filling out "junior ranger booklets" at each Natl. Park and attending Ranger programs, the children are quizzed on what they have learned and then are rewarded with a golden junior ranger badge, which they then sport on their hiking hats. They have collected 4 to date (Jefferson Expansion Memorial (St. Louis Arch), Rocky Mtn. Natnl. Park, Colorado Natnl. Monument) and will gain 8 or 9 more before we're home. - fun! They get stopped often by Rangers and tourists, who congratulate them and ask all sorts of questions. Cool program. They also get their "National Parks Passports" stamped at most ranger stations and trail heads, giving them quite a collection of reminders of the places they've been. They all journal daily as well, ...so... we plan to just call this school and not begin home classes until - say...October. Just kidding.

Yesterday - from Arches, we took our most harrowing and awe/fear inspiring road trips to date. We watched the landscapes change as we covered 300 miles of canyons, foothills, and plateaus in various shades of red, brown, grey, white and yellow - much of it extremely arid and desert like and BARREN. Occasionally we passed a vacant ghost town, once inhabited by maybe 5o people - long ago left to decay. After seeing no other signs of life for literally hours, 3 antelope graced us with their stately presence at the roadside, and this song floated through my mind: "Home, home on the range..(though apparently no one chose to make a home here)..where the deer and the antelope play...where seldom is heard a discouraging word.. (Hmmmm - no one to SPEAK or HEAR a word of any kind..) - And the skies are not cloudy all day..." Well, this last part was true for a few hours - then... A cloud rolled overhead - as thick as pea soup, and stretching across the horizon to the south and north with only a small bit of blue sky in between where we hoped to be heading. But....NO, the road turned right into the storm.

To be continued.. Soon, i hope.

2010-08-03T16:00:00.000-07:00

Hello Ladies -

We've just dried off and thawed out from an afternoon hiking adventure to see Alberta Falls, in Rocky Mountain National Park. Having spent the first two hours of the morning horseback riding on the ridges, we got too late a start hiking the trail......It rains (storms) every afternoon here, so if you want to stay dry - hike in the morning. We were at about 10 thousand feet (still beneath the tree line, at the sub-alpine level), eating lunch beside a breathtaking waterfall when it began to hail, thunder and lightning. By the time we made it back down to the trailhead we were so wet, we might have been mistaken for colorful river otters....though not with quite as playful attitudes.

We are enjoying the view, the family time and the adventure - feeling more blessed than a human deserves. GOD is good!!

2010-07-23T12:23:00.000-07:00

Day One of a Blessed Sabbatical

Well, here I sit under the awning of my new home for the next 5 weeks. No air conditioning, no indoor plumbing, nor many modern conveniences of the 21 century - but, I'm happy. I feel very blessed. Kevin and I drove into this PA. valley at 11:30 last night; we were tired, but the precarious 14 mile decent, filled with twists and turns and hairpins curves was enough to keep us very much awake and on our toes. Upon arrival at the Methodist Church camp, finding all my relatives asleep, we decided to set up camp in the morning. Sleeping in the van, we felt kind of like Abraham Lincoln in a toddler bed, with our feet hanging out in the open air. But all in all, it was a good night's sleep.

Thanks again for all your prayers, this a.m. with a bit of tweaking by my engineer father, the pop-up popped and now we're settled in and watching our kids float down the Juniata River on inner tubes - I think I'll be joining them....catch ya later. I'm still "meditating" on "blessed are the Peacemakers - those "son's of GOD""

Also, Kevin's going to throw some pictures on here later...so, stay tuned. Love you all!

2010-07-16T09:01:00.000-07:00

"blessed are the pure in heart....
July 19 Walk & Talk

As I sat down with my cup of mostly water-coffee, to pray though my morning Psalms, I read David's declaration:

"Give ear to my prayer

it does not rise from deceitful lips. --------forgive, LORD

though you probe my heart

and examine me at night,

though you test me, you will find nothing;

I have resolved that my mouth will not sin..."

and after David goes on about GOD's protection toward him, and salvation from his enemies, he concludes with...

"...And I, in righteousness,---------my righteousness

will see your face ------------------------is in You, Jesus

When I awake, I will be satisfied -but keep purifying me b/c seeing YOU

with seeing your likeness." --------is something I couldn't bear missing.

I then read my marginal remarks, which I've included (in blue)... sigh

I could just shut my Bible at this point, give up on my intercession, and think "why would GOD even listen to me" It's only 5:30 in the morning and I've already sinned a couple of times, by GOD's holy standards.

(picture Charlie Brown, throwing back his head, with a giant

"Good Grief!" protruding from his open mouth.) But then I remember this is David, my hero - humble worshipper, brave and good shepherd, God-fearing warrior, a man after GOD's own heart, receiver of the awesome covenant of Jesus......, jealous, covetous, lustful adulterer, cold blooded murderer... Oh - So, maybe he resolved that his mouth would not sin, but other parts of him sure did! "Mortal sins" too, to use a term from the Catholic tradition. These are sins that need confession before physical death or one can end up in hell straightaway. As opposed to "venial sins," lesser transgression like little "white lies" or exaggeration or lustful thoughts, for which one is not held as gravely responsible.

OK, SIN is SIN - a lie btw. oneself and a GOD who sees all. Yes, some sins (committed on the outside) have greater ramifications and potential to hurt oneself and other people. But the ultimate result of SIN is false or un-right relationship with JESUS; where there is suppose to be friendship and communion, there is a lie or a barrier. This is why if we want to SEE GOD, HEAR GOD, FEEL GOD, EXPERIENCE GOD in any way, purity of heart is required.

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see GOD"

Heart Purity goes way beyond right speech and actions. "..out of the OVERFLOW of the heart, the mouth speaks.." and Jesus says "anyone who looks at a person lustfully has committed SIN already.." These invisible thoughts & motives never went unseen by Jesus, and the Holy Spirit living inside of us now, is quite aware. David also, I believe, was in touch with this knowledge. He wasn't in denial about his sinfulness, he just knew the merciful heart of God and understood forgiveness ahead of his time. How much more can we be sure:

"On the cross, when Jesus died

the wrath of GOD was satisfied

for all our sins, on HIM were laid

here in the death of Christ, I live."

A couple years ago now, at a Vineyard Conference after a holy time of heart melting worship, I wept over the hopelessness of my dusty condition. I was grieved at the thought that I would never be able to keep from falling into sin; either I would fall into deceptive or unwholesome speech or a myriad of other misdemeanors, OR, I would be doing rather well controlling my tongue and thought life only to sink just as deeply on the other side - judgement of others, self righteousness and pride. One set of sins equally as damaging as the other. I would never be able to walk the line perfectly...... sad.

Then GOD showed me a picture in my mind's eye which I often refer to: I saw myself walking a balance beam (4 inch piece of wood like gymnasts use) with a great chasm below. At first, I was very frightened, for the "fall" was immeasurably deep. Then Jesus showed me how he had put a harness on me and girded me "on belay" (much like a mountain repeller wears). HE had me held fast and safe, HE would keep me on the beam.

If I were a broken record, I would hope to scratch out this message over and over again: our RIGHTEOUSNESS is in CHRIST, our PURITY is dependent upon - "HIM who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before HIS glorious presence without fault..." Jude 1:24

Walk & Talk Questions for Monday, July 19

1. What do you think of when you hear the words "Pure in Heart?"

2. My Bible notes tell me that Purity's "clashing worldly value" is a belief that deception is acceptable. With this contrast in mind, how is a Christian expected to keep themselves "pure?" What do you think this would look like?

3. Is the above standard of purity, easy or difficul for you, personally?

4. How have you looked at different "Sins" ? Do you tend to catagorize one as worse than another?

5. How do you feel, personally, sins attoned for in your life? Is it easy to accept and feel forgiveness and "cleansing." Do you experience a sensation of Purity, as David is announcing in his Ps. ("...though you probe my heart, and examine me at night, (GOD), you will find nothing..")

blessed are the merciful...

2010-07-09T16:07:00.000-07:00

July 11 Walk&Talk devotion

Surely GOD asked me to write on the beatitudes so that I might really reflect and think on them, and apply them to MY life. I've needed reminding that spiritual poverty, mourning, meekness, hungering and thirsting after righteousness, and now, mercy... are all blessed conditions of the human soul turning me toward GOD.

"Blessed are the merciful, they will be shown mercy."

(Matthew 5:6)

Do I want to be shown mercy?...I'm desperate for it. Please GOD, don't treat me as my sins deserve.

ps. 103:10-14 calls out my comfort:

"HE (GOD) does not treat us as our sins deserve

or repay us according to our iniquities.

For as high as the heavens are above the earth,

so great is HIS love for those who fear HIM,

as far as the east is from the west,

(they never meet - east and west)

so far has HE removed our transgressions from us.

As a father has compassion on his children,

so the LORD has compassion on those who fear HIM;

for HE knows how we are formed.

HE remembers that we are dust...."

In our call to execute "like" merciful behavior, how are we to look at, and respond to. each other? Is there room?...where is the place.. for correction, when we see a sister who could be "doing better," walking "straighter" - from our perspective, "trying harder"..? Hmmm, this is tricky. Coming from someone as pristine as GOD, correction/rebuke is one thing - Pity from HIM, toward me, the dusty one, is welcomed - even longed for. But pity from another fellow dust mite, feels.....well, like judgement.

It's difficult to deliver loving correction without the message perceived being "GOD has mercy on you and so do I, BUT - you're not measuring up and I pity you. The pity, disappointment and judgement sound louder than does the mercy. Speaking pridefully, (this is a confession) from my own wounded heart, pity and mercy seem, in practice/hearing - interchangeable terms. I'm guessing I'm not the only person who doesn't want pity from anyone excepting THE ALMIGHTY.

I mention the word "judgement," which I understand to be an antonym of "mercy." Maybe by looking at the shortcomings of human judgement, we can better understand how we might administer mercy. The most fitting definition, in context, Webster gives is: "to form an opinion or estimate about, to criticize...." The problem with forming an opinion about a person's words or actions is that rarely do we have the whole picture. Our perspective of the situation is colored by our own experiences, values, ideals, etc... We expect others to meet the standards we hold for ourselves, or standards GOD has called US to, without consideration of what GOD has asked of THEM.

Ken Wilson puts it well, in his book Mystically Wired:

"The messy thing about Love, of course,

is its particularity.

We don't love humanity;

we love humans who come in all sorts of

very particular forms-

each one different from all the rest."

Our failure to love, in light of GOD's MERCY, comes from an inability to understand another person to their depths, and see them as only GOD can see them. Each person has their own set of invisible obstacles to overcome, their own set of strengths and weaknesses, their own timetable/ scope and sequence, to use educational terms, for growth and processing. In other words, that other person is NOT us. My mom had about a hundred "old sayings" she liked to throw out all the time, always with the intro "my mom always said...." (I feel I was constantly taught by a grandmother I never knew.) Now my kids say, "Mom, grandma has too many sayings." "Don't judge another person till you've walked a mile in their shoes." And "If you live in a glass house, don't throw stones.." are two which come to mind. The problem is...we never put on the other person's shoes; we couldn't, they would never fit us. And my house is definitely made of glass.

Isaiah tells us...

HE (Jesus) will not judge by what HE sees with HIS eyes,

or decide by what HE hears with HIS ears...(11:4)

In GOD's mercy, HE sees our heart. To act in mercy, we need to see people through GOD's eyes. Merciful behavior, more than anything, necessitates GOD's perspective.

W&T Questions :

1. How do you define MERCY? Is this something you feel you are in need of?

2. How do you understand/recognize GOD "not treating you you as your sins deserve?"

3. Have you experienced merciful treatment from others? How has this felt?

4. Does the term Merciful or Judgemental better describe you? (don't answer this, just think about it)

Not Really a Book Review - THE HELP

2010-07-07T07:46:00.000-07:00

I've been telling my 12 year old daughter, who devours books in the summer like a skinny bear coming out of hibernation eats blueberries and fish, "You have to take time to reflect on a story now and then, when it's really good. Ask yourself: How has this book or character, affected, changed or challenged the way I think or feel? What new insights have I learned about myself, other people or the world? How am I different from taking in this story? Is there some conviction, inspiration or revelation I need to act on - for my own maturation and character developement?"

So, recently, I've reflected on a book I just completed, The Help, by Kathryn Stockett. Though her story captivated and entertained me with well developed characters and wonderful use of forshadowing and creative rotation of first person accounts, I am most interested in how the themes and characters affected me, and pleased that the book ended perfectly. (This isn't to say I wasn't hungry for many more pages after I finished the last - Iwas.)

Katheryn Stockett brings each of her three protagonists, in the end, to the freeing point of breaking out of evil, societal molds, patterns and expectations, to begin to pursue who God really made each of them to be. At three different stages of life: Skeeter, young and single with her whole life ahead of her; Aibileen, mature in age and experience but with enough kick left in her to make a difference in the lives of others; and Minny, in the prime of her childbearing years, all realize that the "lines," within which they've been brought up to color, only exist in other's warped minds.

How did the story affect me? I related to it. I felt Skeeter's rejection and awkwardness of not quite fitting in anywhere. This comes, primarily, from inhabiting this earth as an "alien" - a citizen of heaven, but not really feeling immersed in that that angelic world anymore than this dusty one. I especially related to Skeeter's intense lonliness that came from having to keep secrets from the people closest to her, her truest self and her deepest thoughts and convictions remaining unknown. Thank God she had Aibileen. She didn't even really have God. I have two dearest friends, God and Kevin. God understands me to the depths and knows everything, and Kevin knows most and tries to understand me. Both BEING who I really AM and being KNOWN - are life giving. I stongly advocate for a deep friendship with God -through Jesus, and at least one earthly friendship which delves to depths of authenticity.

The social restraints of appropriateness remian upon me, as a pastor's wife, to a much lesser degreee that those evil "rules" of The Help; still, I don't feel totally known, nor understood - except by my loving creator and friend - Jesus. This is my great sorrow and my precious gift. It is also, I would guess, not uncommon.

How did THE HELP inspire and challenge me?
Not unlike the three hopeful characters who fearlessly struggle to crawl out from under the enemy, into truth and light - to pursue their life's purpose, I feel like I, also, need to continue to uncover "lines"/lies in my own mind, and come out from underneath them. I use the word "enemy" above to refer to physical, spiritual, societal and familial detriments - all enemies of gaining freedom and fulfilling purpose. I'm really NOT talking about human beings, in and of themselves....Eph.6:12.

Statements don't often change people's lives; questions do! I takes someone who is willing to ask this questions that Skeeter asked:

Do you ever want to change things?

Blessed are the meek...

2010-07-02T10:39:00.000-07:00

July 2 Walk&Talk - reflection on meekness...

Matthew 5:5

"Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth."

When I think of meekness, images of Jesus come to mind - going before the Sanhedrin, Pilate and enemies who hung Him on a cross, "like a lamb to the slaughter," silent and without making a defense for himself... I also think of a lovely Amish mother from a book, whom I wish I could emulate; she elicited perfect obedience from her children with gentle and quiet "suggestions" such as "hadn't you better set the table." (I don't honestly know if SHE exists) Both of these people COULD wield a tremendous amount of power but instead, seem to utilize Supernatural self control, to refrain and act in meekness.

Meek and mild go together, and like the "poor in spirit" and "those who mourn," meekness seems to highlight humility and laying down defenses. Meekness seems to particularly come into play when an enemy presents itself - a spiritual enemy or a human fleshy one. Just when you've been wronged, attacked and unfairly accused, - if you can channel all you energy, wit and revenge-craving power into self control, holding your tongue and giving up even your rights as a human being... then, we call you MEEK.

And...if you are successful with slipping into the background, practicing meekness, you will inherit the earth. In Ps. 37:5-11, David writes "the land" rather than "the earth." To me, this reward makes more sense and carries more hopeful expectation. I liken "the Land" of a Christian's inheritance to the complete FREEDOM God wants for His kids, not overrun with enemies nor overwrought with fear, anxiety, rage, resentment, bitterness, self pity and the like, but truly FREE. (This is a whole 'nother meditation - and this one's too long already) David teaches on "Meekness" like this

Commit you way to the LORD

Trust in HIM and HE will do this

HE will make your righteousness shine like the dawn.

The justice of your cause like the noon day sun.

Be sill before the LORD and wait patiently for HIM

do not fret when men succeed in their ways.

When they carry out their wicked schemes.

Refrain from anger and turn from wrath.

Do not fret - it leads only to evil.

For evil men will be cut off,

But those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land.

A little while, and the wicked will be no more

Though you look for them, they will not be found.

But the meek will inherit the land

And enjoy great peace..."

Commit, trust, be still, wait, don't fret, refrain, turn, hope ENJOY GREAT PEACE. I guess I cannot say I have practiced this enough to be considered and authority, but thankfully, I know someone who has....

W&T Questions for further reflection:

1. Does "MEEK" sound like a strong or weak position to you? Explain..
2. Do you think this work "meekness" characterizes the way you usually act or think?
3. Can you think of a time in you life experience when you chose to exercise meekness? OR a
time in which you maybe should have...?
4. In the above example, did your words /actions OR lack of words and actions result in the
rewarding GREAT PEACE David wrote about?

2010-07-02T06:39:00.000-07:00

Hello Ladies - since the first 3 entries were created elsewhere, then copied and pasted into my blogspot, this is the first piece I've actually composed on "ba-gracehouse" - Yea!! - I owe a special thanks to my big sister for helping me thus far.

If you don't have time to read all this, you'll find the W & T "Q"s at the end.

"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be
filled..." (Matt.5:6)

The words "righteousness" and "justice" are interchangable in many Torah (or Old Testiment of the Bible) passages. The Hebrew "sedeq" and it's counterpart in the Greek, "dikaiosyne" both hold the meaning: "What is right, justice, the act of doing what is in agreement with God's standards"...hmmmm, God's standard? In Leviticus 11:44, God instructs His people, whom He brought out of Egypt to "Be Holy because I (God) am Holy." This is a pretty steep standard.

I guess that's what Abram/Abraham must have been thinking, shaking with dread, as God introduced to him His covenant. Genesis 15: 8-21 describes how Abram and God "cut covenant" together, but a person would have to possess a "hebrew mindset" to understand the meaning of what takes place in this passage. In my case, not being hebrew myself, I learned the sacred meaning of "cutting covenant" from a Bible teacher named Ray VanderLaan; It sticks with me!

Abram cuts in half, a heifer, a goat, a ram, a dove and a pigeon, and lays the halves opposite one another, with a shallow trench between them, where the blood of the animals then drains down in a stream of solemn significance. Gross, huh? This type of contract was deeply serious and understood by any hebrew living in this time period. Each party, (in this case God and Abram), would then walk through the middle of the "blood-path," and in so doing, promise that they would uphold their part of the bargain - each one declaring "If I should break "covenant" w/ you, you can do this (the halved fate of the bleeding creatures) to me."

God was declaring that He would give Abram the land to possess - no problem, right? He's a rich and powerful dude. Abram's part of the compact, the "be holy..." thing, would be.....ah, a bit of a problem. It's at this revelation that the "thick and dreadful darkness" comes over Abram and God puts him down for a nap. THEN--- God ALONE walks between the peices for both himself and for Abram. God is declaring to Abram, and to us, If you or I break the covenant, MY BLOOD will flow to cover the unfaithfulness. (Nice forshadowing of the cross, on the part of my favorite author!)

Last night a dinner guest was talking about a volume she wants Kevin to look at, which compares texts from the Bible and the Koran. She wonders at how similar they both read. This may be true, but - as lover of a good story, one thing I remember from my Islamic studies in college is that the Koran does not emulate the Bible in its flow of plot from beginning to end. The Bible is truly a story, of a jilted lover, (God), who devises, orchestrates and accomplishes an intricate and strategic plan throughout the history of time, to win back His undeserving, beloved creation - and launch her into eternity with HIM.

"Blessed is she whose sins are covered. (by God's covenant blood)

...whose sin the LORD does not count against her..."

Back to hungering and thirsting for righteousness... Why do you suppose God set the bar so high from the beginning, "holiness" - Yikes! I think, to prove, beyond any doubt, how unatainable is His standard by our own means. We are needy - "dust" So, it's back to humility and recognition of our spiritual poverty. These "blessed are..."s paint a clearer and clearer picture of a person submitted to God with all her heart, the more of them you meditate on.

One of my favorite traits of an enduring character, Miss Anne Shurley of the illustrious Green Gables, is her optimism at dawn. "Every day is a clean slate with no mistakes," her hopeful mantra. She and I share a sorrow that might keep us down, were it not for the truth of this philosophy of "mercies being new every morning." At the end of every day I have to live with the reality that I am dust - and I've screwed up yet again. "Sinless Perfectionism" remaining only a distant unreachable something to sigh and shake your head over, or even laugh at, as you take in a heavy couple of paragraphs of Wayne Grutum's Systematic Theology. But after I come to terms with my failure - I can rejoice, for Righteous is mine through JESUS - there is nothing I can do to deserve it, yet... through faith, it's mine. I DO HUNGER and THIRST for RIGHTEOUSNESS..yes, I do. And I am filled.

Walk and Talk "Q"s for Monday, July 5

Meet us at CCV at 6:59 p.m.

Bring Bug spray and water!

1. Have you ever thought of the Bible as one cohesive "love story" - which follows God's redemptive plot, from beginning to end?

2. Do you more often feel self sufficient, or needy? How about dust, does this describe your sediment (ha ha ha, punny) ? Explain?

3. How, do you believe, we are to "hunger and thirst" for righteousness? What does this look like?

4. How have you experienced God's "righteousness" - ? Do you sense that "clean slate" feeling regularly, or not? Why or why not?

Thanks for reading - hope to see you Monday evening!

2010-06-25T03:43:00.000-07:00

I did it gals; I set up a "blog" - acually, LELA did it! But, now, I'm "out there" - a Christian needs a voice. It seemed that all forms of "gracehouse" were already taken by other bloggers, so, I used ba-gracehouse (not as concise & cute, but it worked)

blessed are those who mourn...

2010-06-21T09:15:00.000-07:00

Blessed are those who mourn....

Monday, June 21st's W&T meditation is on Jesus' promise:

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."

Reflecting on this oxy-moronian idea last week, I asked God to speak to me about it, and give me more understanding because I don't particularly like to mourn - and I didn't think I would feel very blessed (happy) to be doing so -. HE was faithful to me in HIS revealing and reminding. On Wednesday, I attended a funeral with a friend, and then spent the remainder of the week "mourning" with a few other dear sisters in Christ, who are experiencing the heart wrenching pain from the effects of a broken and depraved world. Systems are broken; people are broken; and the domino effect of the pervading pain overwhelms us to the point of not even knowing how to pray, except with sobs and groans. At least, this is what happens to me.

I loved our worship leader, Deej's, description/explanation, on Sunday, of the new song lyrics:

"Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss - "
(The Kingdom of our God breaking in to this world)

"my heart turns violently inside my chest - ..."
(Have you ever felt this upheaval..?)

"I don't have time to maintain these regrets....when.."

But, I'm getting ahead of myself, as my mind races faster than my fingers.

In this life, we will have trouble. Jesus knew this; HE warned us. (John 16:33) Jesus knew the excruciating pain this world would cause, and that we WOULD BE MOURNING - But as we do, His promise is that we'll be blessed by His comfort.

The song lyrics above brought to mind a painful, yet poignant, memory of losing my second baby - through miscarriage. As I sat and wept, the life, already precious to me, dying and draining from my body, I prayed for the reversal of circumstance. God refused to intervene in the way I wanted, but HE spoke into my pain. He spoke quietly, but clearly enough to be heard above my tears:

2 Kings 20:5 "I have heard your prayers and seen your tears. I will heal you"

God filled me with comfort, at that moment, that I couldn't have known outside of heartache. The blessing comes not so much in WHAT He says, but in THAT he speaks & touches and HOW He says it. That the GOD of the universe actually speaks into our circumstances, in and of itself, bring life, hope, peace - ....Blessing.

So, it IS true!:

"Those who sow in tears....
(and there is a way of "sowing in tears," like violently and desperately reaching up to heaven, grabbing a hold of the banqueting tablecloth and wrenching it for all you're worth.)

WILL reap with songs of joy..." ps 126:5

God's ability to restore life is way beyond our understanding.

"I don't have time to maintain these regrets...(back to song lyrics)

When I think about ... How HE loves me, O how HE loves me.."

Walk&Talk Questions:

1. Recall a time when you have mourned over a heartache. How did you mourn? What process did you go through? How did you "get over" it or through it?? What brought peace and healing?

2. Have you recognized the LORD's voice or presence, speaking or coming into your circumstances? or Have you experienced "heaven meeting earth like a sloppy wet kiss"?

Blessed are the poor in spirit...

2010-06-14T08:40:00.000-07:00

"poor in spirit"

Hello CCV Ladies,

I wanted to post the June 14 Walk&Talk devo in my blog, where I can refer to it; but it's not in chronological order, and neither are the next 4 - but then I'll be all caught up.

God put this small "reflection on the beatitudes" on my heart to share, along with questions to discuss, during the Monday evening W&T's in the summer. I hope they add to the depth of conversation and of our relationships.

This week's verse is:

"Blessed (or happy) are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of heaven"

First of all, my NIV Bible notes tel me that "blessed" means more than happiness in the laughter, pleasure or earthly prosperity sense. To Jesus, means the experience of hope and joy, independent of outward circumstances. And I feel that Jesus' promise for the one who lives with this prerequisite, "poorness of spirit," - dwelling in the reality of the Kingdom of Heaven IS the very reward of this hope and joy. When God gives us the GIFT of SEEING with HIS perspective, the Kingdom of Heaven, which overlaps this world we live in, Blessedness is the result!

The opposite of "poor in spirit" is pride and personal independence. Just think about this - so, poor in spirit looks something like humility and recognition of total need for an dependence upon God. There are areas in each of our lives, which we hold control strings or carry the weight of responsibility for "making it happen": or "keeping it together." Maybe the most competent, talented or fiercely independent person finds it most difficult to get in touch with this "poverty of spirit" which is so near to the heart of God.

Isaiah 57:15 gives perspective to the kind of humility which characterizes one "poor in spirit."

For this is what the high and lofty ONE says -
HE who lives forever, whose name is holy;
"I live in a high and holy place,
But also with him who is contrite and lowly in spirit,
to revive the spirit of the lowly
and to revive the heart of the contrite."

I think God allows us to feel overwhelmed by circumstances and out of control - "poor in spirit," to put us in a place for Him to come and revive our heart and spirit.

Questions for the walk:

1. Do YOU feel "poor in spirit"? Describe the feeling?
2. I this a condition to which you can easily relate, or not?
3. In what areas of your life do your heart and spirit need "reviving"?
4. How do YOU go about reviving these areas or how has God revived you in the past?
5. Does "poverty of spirit" sound like a desirable position to YOU? Why or why not?